Oh, hello. Long time no see. I realise it's been a long time between posts (more than a month - but in blog time it might as well have been a year!). There's been much going on, and you know what, it actually feels nice to say that I haven't been blogging because I've been too busy living life :)
Yes, much has been happening since my last blog post on Anzac Day. First, I went on a holly-holiday to Malaysia and Hong Kong - yahh! Pics and blog posts to come. It was a really really good trip - lots of family time and awesome food and some amazing healing too. Then it was back to Melbourne, where I think things started coming together and I began, slowly and step-by-step, to pull myself together again. I also ran the MS Fun Run - 10k, y'all!! - and started to recover at work too. And...this is the best one...I've just submitted my last assignment. Ever.
But more on all that later.
It's really starting to feel like this year is one of new beginnings. They may not all be good (insert my breakup here), but they are here nonetheless. I guess at the end of the day they can all be viewed as being good - after all it is what you choose to view a certain situation and what you choose to make of it that really defines it. And when something ends - like a relationship with someone you thought you'd marry or when your hairdresser quits hairdressing and leaves you hyperventilating with panic because ohmigod who is going to cut my hair now?! (all true and happened to me!) - it's also an opportunity to start something new. Explore new possibilities. Broaden your horizons and all that.
And the opportunities are endless. I mean, you can do just about ANYTHING you want. Which is something that I am slowly starting to realise, and relish, now that I am starting to emerge from that foggy haze I've been lost in for the last two months. I can do anything.
I can eat whatever I want, when I want. I can read in bed all day, or I can go for a run. I can flirt with boys and not feel guilty (the best part!). I can try new hairdressers, get new hair styles. It's like I have an open datebook, all I gotta do is pencil in all those awesome possibilities.
Ok, you can still do all of the above even if you're in a relationship. In my case, however, the realisation of all this freedom and possibility is quite significant and a super giant step for me, given that I've spent the last couple of months being tied down by my own sadness. Being entangled in all those negative emotions and self-loathing, of feeling unworthy of love (because, if the person who's supposed to love me the most, doesn't love me anymore - then who else could?).
So yeah. There is much to look forward to, although I'm being careful to take things one step at a time, and not to jump into anything before I'm ready or if I'm uncomfortable with it. After all, I've only just hit the reset button on my life and it will take some time to get back out there. I feel, in some ways, like I'm starting to rebuild and so far I've got this really fragile veneer up - my protective walls that keep me insulated (as much as they can) from pain and hurt. But right now they are really fragile, like the slightest poke will take them down (don't even mention the thought of seeing him again - not sure how that would go!). So it's gonna be slowly, slowly for now.
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