Why I run

In 14 weeks of running I have:

• completed the Couch to 5k program (yay me!)
• did a 4k fun run (my first ever)
• lost 5kg (woohoo! The perks of exercise)
• finished my first ever 5k event (Run for the Kids)
• signed up for my first 10k (hello, Run Melbourne!)

Running is also helping me get through a rather painful break up - I'm just trying to get through each day at a time and running helps in so many ways. It clears my head, gets me moving so I'm not just sitting around at home moping, and helps me work through all these emotions that are swimming around inside me. It's also something I do for myself, something that is just all about me. Running teaches me patience - I need to conquer each kilometre step by step, to start slow and finish strong, and to work on adding those k's week by week, one at a time. 

Running is helping me heal, both inside and out.

I can't wait to see what the coming months will unfold. 

Mission accomplished: Run for the Kids 5.2k recap

So I officially ran a 5.2k race on Sunday. With proper timing chip and all. Which means that my Couch to 5k mission has been officially accomplished.

Thank you very much *takes a bow*

I should probably change my Couch to 5k mission tag. Will get around to it at some point, promise.

Anyway, here's my little race recap of my Run for the Kids 5.2k adventure.

Woke up really early (as in early for me!) Sunday morning for the race. Early as in 6.30am. Early as in "I don't even get up for work this early". Got dressed, walked the dog and just had enough time to make a coffee and toast with peanut butter, before dashing out the door. It was a slightly frosty morning but temps were expected to hit 22C that day.

Caught the train with Gus to Flinders Street Station, where we met up with the lovely Sarah M. There were heaps of people on the train, all decked out in their race gear, number bibs and timing chips. At Flinders Street there was a sea of runners all making their way to the Botanical Gardens and the start line. The toilet queues were massive - at the train station, the public toilets and the portaloos. So I decided to hold it in until after the race.

We found Sharon, who was meeting us at the skate park by the Yarra River boat sheds, and headed off to store our bags. The atmosphere was festive for that time of the morning. Everyone was pumped and ready to run (or walk), which was great to see and rather infectious. By the time we got our bags into the correct zones and made it back to the starting zone, the race was about to start.

The 5.2k start was at 8.45am, with the 14.38k heading out about half-an-hour later. At the start line, I could see that this was a race for all sorts of people, of all ages. There were friends there, whole families, serious runners, not-so-serious runners, walkers, kids and parents with prams. Some were decked out in high tech race gear, some dressed up in costumes and some wore t-shirts with a picture of the person or child to whom they were dedicating the run. It was quite moving and, at times, quite sad to read the backs of those t-shirts - it really drives home the purpose of this run and why it is such an important fund-raising event.

Just as the first waves of starters began moving towards the start line, and we were shuffling in that general, I suddenly had this urge to pee. Like really bad. I had to abandon the group and join the line of last-minute panic pee-ers at the skate park toilet block. When I got out I was stuck behind the walkers, kids and parents with prams.

As soon as my feet crossed the start line I started to dodge and weave through the slower crowd, and that was me for about half of the race - I was mostly slowed down getting stuck behind the walkers and had to constantly search for a little gap I could squeeze through without knocking anyone over. A couple of times I actually jumped off the paved path and ran on the dirt track - cross country, y'all.

I started off at a slow, relaxed pace (not that I had much choice), and as we cruised down Batman Avenue, the sun came out and the weather warmed up, setting the scene for a really pleasant run. I stuck to my race plan (start off slow, build up and finish strong), which felt really good. Around the 3k mark it became easier to dodge the walkers and overtake slower joggers (that felt really good too!). Once we were on Birdwood Avenue I noticed this girl keeping pace with me. We sort of overtook each other for a bit, until the final k where I stepped up my pace and left her behind - yay!

Going around the bend I could see the finish line and the crowds. I started sprinting in the last few hundred metres and gave it all I got. It felt awesome crossing that finish line - it was such a high that I wanted to go back and do the whole race all over again!

My time was 38:11, which wasn't bad considering it was a 33,000-strong event and that it was a fun run/walk. This has given me the confidence and inspiration to push beyond the 5k and achieve longer distances. The race also gave me that emotional boost, considering recent heartbreaking events. I'm glad that I chose to come out and race, when I so easily could've been huddled under my doona with a box of tissues and bawling my eyes out.

If only other things in life were this great.

Milestone coming up!

Tomorrow I will be running my first ever 5k race - Run for The Kids. Well, 5.2k to be precise :)

Although, my excitement about reaching this milestone in my running has been somewhat overshadowed by recent events...sigh :(

Maybe that's a good thing, because all I'll wanna do is just go there, stand at the starting line, do my race and, hopefully, will feel some sense of accomplishment at the end. I'm sure I will tomorrow, but right now, at this very moment, I just feel...Bleh.

I will turn this into something positive. This race is meant to be something positive for me, it's a super important part of my Couch to 5k mission and I will not let things get me down. I just need to focus and channel my energies into doing the best 5.2k run that I possibly can. I will not let him be the reason for me not running well. I need to reclaim myself and reclaim my strength.

Ok, that was my pep talk for the day. Hope I can still remember and hang on to this tomorrow! Now, off to have a shower, pin my race number on my shirt, attach my timing chip to my shoe, and go to bed. :)

Massive fail

Just when you think you're winning at Life, Life turns around and says "Hah! I've been tricking you all along! Take this! And this! How about this? Take it too!"

It lulls you into a false sense of security, then tackles you to the ground. Throws you a sucker punch. Kicks you in your gut. Tells you exactly how you're NOT winning at Life, despite what you might have been led to believe.

No point going into details here, but The Boy moved out tonight. Yup, my partner and best friend in the world of almost four years pretty much turns around and walks out the door. Away from me. Away from us, and the life we built together, all the plans we made, everything.

I thought he was the one. This was the bestest and most stable relationship I had ever been in - as in, it felt like a proper relationship. We had our ups and downs, like any other relationship. But no matter what there wasn't a day where I didn't feel safe, or loved; and I'd like to think that I did the same for him. I was so sure of it, so sure of us, that I had complete faith that even if we were separated by distance - like if I went overseas to work or if he went overseas for his music - that we would still be very much together. Cuz we're tight like that.

Apparently not. It was all in my head. Hmmm...I didn't quite peg myself as being the delusional sort. Now my internal compass has been thrown asunder. I don't know which way is up, and I don't know what my gut is trying to say. It's all gone awry.

I feel so sad. And empty. And lost. I've already cried enough to rival the rain we've been getting recently, and I don't have anything left. 

Of course, this didn't happen overnight. It had been going on for a few weeks now, but I thought we were going to work on it. But you can only want something to work as much as the other person wants it. You can't want it on his behalf, even if you want to with all your heart. He said he wanted to try, but I have a feeling now that deep down inside he had already made up his mind.

I can't help but blame myself. Even if he told me not to blame myself. Mostly because I don't understand how he could have changed his mind so quickly. How he could just stop loving me (and adamantly so), after four years. I can only think that I must have done something so horrible, or done many little horrible things that added up into one big unforgivable lump. So horrible that he cannot overlook it, and so bad that it has now outweighed the good in our relationship. He tells me it's not so, that it's not me...but...if not that, then what?

Well, if I'm not dead yet then surely this is supposed to make me stronger. I still have my 5.2k Run for the Kids race on Sunday. I have to find some things to be thankful for. 

If you're one of our mutual/shared friends and you're reading this, then I'm sorry if this has put you in an awkward situation. I don't hate him but I need to protect myself from more pain and hurt. As you can see I didn't see this coming (or perhaps chose not to). 

So I'll probably not be at things that he'll be at for a bit. Not until I get better. I don't want to put you guys in a situation where you feel like you have to choose sides - I will never ask that of my friends. I'd love for us to remain friends, but I will understand if you choose to see me less, or if I don't get invited to things because he's there. But my ultimate aim is to at least reach a level of civility and possibly even friendship, so that we can all hang out and laugh together again. 

Well, I guess there is nothing left to do but hang in there. Move on. Forward. Onwards and upwards. Even if it's at a snail's pace. But gosh, my heart. How it aches.

It's almost the weekend!

No workout today because I was at this free running seminar at Running Fit.

It was a really informative seminar for a beginner runner like me - it reinforced and confirmed a lot of the things I was already doing right and also showed me where I could make improvements. Brian Schepisi, who ran the seminar, is director of Sporting Spirit and he knows his stuff. Although the session was only about 45 minutes long, he took us through the basics of putting together a training program and even had time for questions at the end. Of course, question time became more of a diagnostic "what's wrong with me?" time, as people mostly had questions about injuries and asking about their own specific injuries. Me included, heh heh. Although I snuck my question in after the session ended so I didn't have to bore people with my life's dramas (or in this case, why the inside of my knee and ankle hurt sometimes).

I think I might soon be getting to the stage where I'll need a running coach/fitness trainer to guide me through building up my mileage, and also to ensure that I remain as injury free as possible!

On another note, I wasn't quite eating properly today. Got to work on time, then got caught up for a good half-hour before I could go get coffee. Next thing I knew it was 10.45am and I still haven't had breakfast. Bad. Bad.

As a result I only had lunch at close to 3pm, and dinner at 8pm after I got home from the running seminar. Lunch was a lamb borek and fruit salad, I had a Kellog's snack bar at the seminar (they were giving them out), and dinner was leftover pork dumplings (five of 'em), stir-fried veggies and mushrooms I 'stole' from Jerm, and rice. I stopped eating after 8.30pm because of my blood test tomorrow. Or rather, I think I'll finally get around to doing that blood test tomorrow.

Oh, and to add to the schedule of busy-ness, we've got dinner on Wednesday next week with another couple of friends, and on the Thursday before the Easter break I'll be catching up with a whole bunch of ex-workmates and we're probably gonna a) drink ourselves silly and b) go eat cheap Vietnamese food or c) both. But first, I need to get these nasty assignments out of the way!

Busy-ness!

The next few weeks are gonna be hectic! Check this out, this is how it's gonna go down (if all goes down according to plan):

Tomorrow evening I'm going to this super awesome free running seminar at RunningFit in the CBD. Oh btw did I mention that I've signed up for the Run Melbourne 10k in July? Not sure if that is ambitious or delusional :P

Friday is my day off work so I can go to uni - or rather, in this case, so I can stay at home and finish my assignments! I'm aiming to go for a run in the morning (let's see how that pans out), then get cracking on those assignments. At 2pm I'm booked in for a Hawaiian lomi-lomi massage at Moku Therapy.

Can't. Wait. For. That! It's gonna be so awesome! Then back home to watch Fringe Season 3 do more work on my assignments (sad face).

Saturday is my friend Doug's birthday dress-up golf party bonanza - we're going to the golf course where his gf works and whack some balls into some holes!

Next Tuesday 12 April the extremely ingenious and crazy wonderful Sir Terry Pratchett will be giving a talk at RMIT. You bet I'm so there. We bought tickets, like, waaay in advance. I saw Neil Gaiman last year, now I get to see Terry Pratchett. File under 'Awesome People from the UK whom I Have to See or Meet Before I Die' (Dylan Moran - check. Bill Bailey - check). My life is almost complete (it will be after I meet Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, Matt Smith, Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman - hah).

Okay, okay. After the upcoming fangirl event I've got dinner with my peeps on Thursday (my peeps being ex-workmates who are also great friends). One of them is getting married at the end of the month, so champagnes all around!

Then...on Saturday next week I've got an appointment with my hairdresser, which I may have to move so that my DOG can get an appointment with HIS hairdresser :P Whichever way that turns out, straight after that I gotta dash to The Boy's new band's FIRST EVER headlining gig at The Empress in Fitzroy! Gotta be there and be supportive, B. E. Supportive! :D

THE NEXT DAY IS RACE DAY. Run for the Kids, 17 April, 5.2k, race day. (cue dramatic music).

I plan to eat KFC after the race  (-_-)

Just putting it out there.

But oh wait, we're not done. The next day (which is Monday in case you've lost track) we're gonna go see the super-mega-talented-and-beautiful-I-hate-love-her Imogen Heap.

After that I will buy lots of hot cross buns, because Easter will be upon us! Can I go without a 1kg chocolate egg this year? After all, I'll have the whole extra long weekend - five whole glorious days - to eat it :P

Okay, so after I inject myself with sugar/cocoa products over the Easter holidays, I will be back at work for two days before...drum roll...we jet off to Malaysia and Hong Kong for one week! Yayyyy!

Remember the friend who's getting married at the end of the month? We're going to her wedding. It will be by the beach. We will swim, and eat lots of food. I will bring my runners and try to stay on track with my running. I may or may not spend most of my time stretching the limits of my belly.

So that's April sorted for me. Phew. I don't even wanna think about May at this stage.

Morning run attempt number "i've lost count"

Talk about being lazy. Daylight savings ended this weekend, which meant we had to wind our clocks back one hour, thereby gaining an hour. My plan - and this is perfect - was to go to bed at my usual, daylight savings hour (10pm) and get up an hour earlier (8am). I would have still gotten my usual number of zzz's, and still be up early for a nice morning run.

Hah. Fat chance. What ended up happening was -

8am: Alarm rings
Me: Mnnhmpph?! *hits the stop button*
Me: *zzz...zzzz*
9am: Boyfriend gets up to walk the dog
Me: *zzz...zzzzz...zzzzz*
10am: Wake up feeling surprisingly rested.

So much for that morning run.

Plus, I've been eating too many carbs today. Marmite (yes!) on 2 slices of toast in the morning, 2.5 potato croquettes (bad! bad!) for lunch, a nectarine and just now I had one slice of peanut butter toast. Oh, and a handful of cheese-flavoured Shapes (bad! bad! bad!).

Weekends are nice but sometimes they throw you off the wagon.